Strange Days, Indeed

Strange Days, Indeed

Oh, today, you vex and grieve me. I have friends and friends of friends and children of friends who are struggling with medical and mental health issues, with housing insecurity, with food insecurity, with life. Children are being praised as heroes for “going down fighting.” Children are leading active shooter drills for adults. Women’s bodies are being made state property in Georgia and other places. People are attacking other people from behind the safety of their keyboards and screens and then wondering what is wrong with the world. Our country is going farther and further down the road of despair and madness with the Chief Despot in his new clothes leading the way, and there are people celebrate his refusal to comply with our system of checks and balances. 

Yesterday I had to talk over the phone to a total stranger and explain in intimate detail exactly why I have been diagnosed with the things with which I have been diagnosed. She made appropriately sympathetic noises in a tone that made it clear she didn’t really care at all. While I was fighting a panic attack while talking to her she was probably rolling her eyes and wishing I'd hurry up. 

I am stumbling with my writing because my old fears of failure are rising up during this tumultuous time in my life. Home ownership is not for the faint of heart. I guess it is a good thing that I’m not faint about anything at all. 

Here is the question on my mind: How am I going to deal with all this shit?

And here is my answer to myself: just like I always do. 

I am going to meditate and get myself centered, no matter how many times a day I have to do so. 

I am going to find my balance and keep it as best I can. 

If I continue to stumble I will reach out for help. 

I will continue to show love to others.

I will continue to create as much beauty as I possibly can, and acknowledge that some of it will take time to grow.

I am sitting with my problems, not in them. (Thank you, Elizabeth Jean, for sharing this piece of wisdom so very long ago.)

- I am grateful for the people who truly love and care about me. 

- - I am capable of great love.

- I am grateful for the many kindnesses shown to me.

- - I am capable of being kind.

- I am grateful for the learning opportunities presented by the challenges I face each day. 

- - I am intelligent and wise. 

- I am grateful for all the ways that I am healthy and strong. 

- - I am capable of healing and adapting. 

I am grateful. 

I am grateful. 

I am grateful.

I've got this. Good morning, people. Rise on up and put your shine on. Someone out here needs you. 

https://youtu.be/cuuhsqA95iA