There are moments in any given day, and days, and weeks at a time when my grief for my youngest daughter, Elizabeth Jean, washes every moment with tears or finds me standing at the edge of sanity, wondering if I shouldn't just jump. Those moments have been many, of late. I am grateful for the anchors that keep me here.
She was drifting away for such a long time. I have missed her for ages, and can only hold on to the belief that someday I won't have to miss her anymore.
May 30, 2106 - I didn't publish this one, because it was about Beth.
(Never) Lost
Those who don't know can't know it,
And those who do try hard not to show it.
There is always an empty place at the table,
Always a do the best you are able,
Even when all you can do is remember to breathe.
There is always some old when to remember,
And always an extra chill to November,
Even with extra hearts hanging on your sleeve.
Color the tattoos, run in the sun,
Color outside the lines of your life, Learn again how to have fun.
Live every day to remember how to live every day.
Even when life begins to seem better, there will always be an empty place at the table.
Those who don't know can't know it,
And those who do try hard not to show it.
There is always an empty place at the table,
Always a do the best you are able,
Even when all you can do is remember to breathe.
There is always some old when to remember,
And always an extra chill to November,
Even with extra hearts hanging on your sleeve.
Color the tattoos, run in the sun,
Color outside the lines of your life, Learn again how to have fun.
Live every day to remember how to live every day.
Even when life begins to seem better, there will always be an empty place at the table.
May 30, 2016 - This one, I shared, because it was about Beth and so much more.
Never Lost
The sun rose today and I reveled in its warmth.
The sky was blue, with wispy clouds, and I adored its promise of forever.
I adventured to a place where I walked a mile high,
And I heard the wind singing wild songs through the trees and the wires.
I walked 600 feet into the body of the Great Mother,
Where I felt Her heart beating in time with mine, felt Her love brush away the cold breath of death remembered, and the tears She wept for fallen warriors kissed my head and upturned face.
I talked and laughed with, and hugged and kissed, the man who is my best friend and lover.
I soaked up every minute of living, filling my spirit with Life each time I filled my lungs with air.
I ate ice cream and drank sweet tea and drank in honeyed love,
Because your lives and your deaths have taught me the importance of being in the here and now.
I thought of each of you today, I grieved and cried and smiled at memories of you.
These are the things that keep you safely in my heart.
My faith tells me that you are safe and at peace somewhere on the other side.
Safe in heart, safe in your own heaven,
You are, then, never lost.
The sun rose today and I reveled in its warmth.
The sky was blue, with wispy clouds, and I adored its promise of forever.
I adventured to a place where I walked a mile high,
And I heard the wind singing wild songs through the trees and the wires.
I walked 600 feet into the body of the Great Mother,
Where I felt Her heart beating in time with mine, felt Her love brush away the cold breath of death remembered, and the tears She wept for fallen warriors kissed my head and upturned face.
I talked and laughed with, and hugged and kissed, the man who is my best friend and lover.
I soaked up every minute of living, filling my spirit with Life each time I filled my lungs with air.
I ate ice cream and drank sweet tea and drank in honeyed love,
Because your lives and your deaths have taught me the importance of being in the here and now.
I thought of each of you today, I grieved and cried and smiled at memories of you.
These are the things that keep you safely in my heart.
My faith tells me that you are safe and at peace somewhere on the other side.
Safe in heart, safe in your own heaven,
You are, then, never lost.
Peace out, peeps.
~sb
~sb
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