Wednesday night I found myself home alone for the first time in a while. I puttered around a bit, still working on clearing out the Guest Room, but I finally gave in to the pull of the night and went and sat on the front steps.
The night-time light is different here in little suburbia than in the forest, of course. The stars don't seem as bright but I can see the clouds without them having to cross the path of the Moon in order to have shape. There are many more human created noises, but the voices of the land and nature speak to me as they have always done.
Ahhhht. I know I just wrote that, and I don't want to erase it, but I have to amend it to acknowledge that my connection with the Cottage has changed the way I hear those voices. I feel more deeply grounded, more rooted, more connected, and it seems to me that the voices speak more clearly than ever before in any place other than my beloved Adirondacks. I am having the same experience with my connection to my Gone Befores in a way that is somewhat different from the normal change in that connection at this time of year.
I listened to the night for a while, letting it sink into my bones and my being. As I often do, I talked to the plants and trees, telling them how beautiful they are and how much I admire and appreciate their effort and determination. The sunflowers nodded their heads at me and the leaves of the corn plants whispered softly. I had a conversation with Bear Spirit, acknowledging the turning of the Wheel of the Year towards Autumn, and asking Him to continue to protect and bless us all. I could feel the weight of His presence in the ether around me, and was comforted.
At one point I took a deep breath of night air, then sighed. Without knowing that I was going to do it, I began to lullaby the Cottage and her land. I was a little surprised by the song, but it felt right, and I sang these words that I first learned at Samhain Ritual with Mother Grove. The song is called Hold Me:
Hold me, hold me, never let me go.
Hold me like the leaves on the ends of the branches.
And when I die let me fly, let me fly
Through the air like the leaves when they're falling.
Hold me, hold me, never let me go.
Hold me like the stars in the sky high above me.
And when I die let me fly, let me fly
Through the sky like the stars when they're falling.
In our home we have an Ancestor Altar and a Gone Befores wall where we keep photos and mementos of those who have moved on. As I was sitting on the front steps that wall was through the door and directly behind me. While I was singing I could feel the gentle weight of love and power of all those Gone Befores, even those not represented on the wall, as if they were reminding me that they have my back. Reminding me that they are here for me, even now, even if they were not in this lifetime.
Their presence and the night sounds carried me to another song, one that touches my spirit and always brings comfort. It also brings humor and laughter when applied to certain Gone Befores and their insistence on shining through in funny ways. The musicians are Sweet Honey in the Rock, and the song is called Breaths.
Chorus:
Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
'Tis the ancestors' breath when the fire's voice is heard
'Tis the ancestors' breath in the voice of the water.
Those who have died have never, never left
The dead are not under the earth
They are in the rustling trees
They are in the groaning woods
They are in the crying grass,
They are in the moaning rocks
The dead are not under the earth.
CHORUS
Those who have died have never never left.
The dead have a pact with the living.
They are in the woman's breast,
They are in the wailing child
They are with us in our homes.
They are with us in the crowd
The dead have a pact with the living.
CHORUS
You may not know that for many pagan folk this time of year, approaching and even a little after Samhain, is a time for honoring and acknowledging our ancestors. As that day draws closer I will add extra things to the altar; little gifts and treats for the Gone Befores, but for now, it is a place of remembrance, with candles and incense as we feel the need or desire.
When I add someone to the Altar I welcome them into our home. I thank them, and honor them, and then, most importantly, I set boundaries. Did you know you can do that? So many of us struggle with setting boundaries for people when they are alive in this realm, to think that we can do so after they have crossed over to another is rather mind bending. But we can!
My father-in-law gave us a portrait of his grandparents to add to the wall. When I saw it I commented that they looked like nice people. He immediately made a face, and then replied that they were not nice people at all! So, when I put their portrait on the wall I welcomed them, and then I told them that whatever they were like in their lifetime here, I am sure they are better where they are now, and that I expect them to be those better selves if they make themselves known in my home. Otherwise, they will be leaving.
My father-in-law gave us a portrait of his grandparents to add to the wall. When I saw it I commented that they looked like nice people. He immediately made a face, and then replied that they were not nice people at all! So, when I put their portrait on the wall I welcomed them, and then I told them that whatever they were like in their lifetime here, I am sure they are better where they are now, and that I expect them to be those better selves if they make themselves known in my home. Otherwise, they will be leaving.
The work of healing is never easy and has many complex layers. Not so long ago I'd have probably just stared or nodded with that yeah, right look at someone who told me that healing would be somewhat easier if I could work to heal my ancestors too. Now I understand the truth of that concept at many different levels. I won't go into details here, but if you are interested in discussing this please let me know.
I have provided links below to the two songs I referenced so you may listen to them if you would like. Below those links I am going to share with you one more piece of art about the Gone Befores. It is in fact the first poem I read on this subject, and the reason I call my Gone Befores by that name. I found this poem not long after my parents died; Dad first on 9/3/07, then Mom on 3/9/08. I do love the sense of balance in those numbers.
I have provided links below to the two songs I referenced so you may listen to them if you would like. Below those links I am going to share with you one more piece of art about the Gone Befores. It is in fact the first poem I read on this subject, and the reason I call my Gone Befores by that name. I found this poem not long after my parents died; Dad first on 9/3/07, then Mom on 3/9/08. I do love the sense of balance in those numbers.
Tell me - what do you do to honor your Gone Befores, your beloved dead, or those dead who were not so beloved? Are you able and willing to make time and space for them in your here and now? What is honored and remembered, lives.
Peace out, peeps. I'm off to the kitchen to make some gingered honey.
Blessed be.
~Sheri
Peace out, peeps. I'm off to the kitchen to make some gingered honey.
Blessed be.
~Sheri
Listen to Hold Me: http://www.gatheringofcircles.com/songs_we_sing/14%20Hold%20Me.mp3)
Listen to Breaths: https://youtu.be/YwLgxyVjwk4
Listen to Breaths: https://youtu.be/YwLgxyVjwk4
THE GONE BEFORES by Susa Silvermarie
You think they aren't in the car on either side
holding you upright while you sob and drive and wipe your tears again and sob?
Your grandmother Maria, maybe your mother's first cousin Grace.
Or your two best friends P and C who skedaddled early.
holding you upright while you sob and drive and wipe your tears again and sob?
Your grandmother Maria, maybe your mother's first cousin Grace.
Or your two best friends P and C who skedaddled early.
You're revolving like an owl checking the crossroads,
but someone from Before flies singing overhead.
Listen. The Gone Befores have already taken every single step
and made each sweet mistake you think is your exclusive.
but someone from Before flies singing overhead.
Listen. The Gone Befores have already taken every single step
and made each sweet mistake you think is your exclusive.
You think you could travel anywhere
if they hadn't begotten you here?
You can't even eat breakfast
without someone who loves you hovering,
Over orange juice, listen up, get an inner earful.
if they hadn't begotten you here?
You can't even eat breakfast
without someone who loves you hovering,
Over orange juice, listen up, get an inner earful.
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